Domestic Violence and Children

I have known several people in my life that have suffered from things such as poverty and violence.  Domestic violence is of particular interest to me because of it's affects on some of my own family members and friends.  The story that I am about to tell you almost broke my heart beyond repair but I am learning to deal with it on a daily basis. 

About 6 months ago my husband and I had to give up 2 little girls that we had been fostering for almost a year.  The girls were sisters and were placed with us when they were 5 and 10.  They were taken from their mother (my distant cousin) and father due to allegations of sexual abuse against the father.  Their mother was ordered to keep the father out of their home and after she violated the order the children were removed from her custody.  No one else in the family could take the girls and my husband and I took them to try and keep them out of the foster care system.  We were told by DSS, the mother, and the lawyers involved in the case that it was a temporary situation and they would only be with us for a couple of months.  Temporary turned in to long term and we had the girls for almost a year.  They became a part of our family and we loved them very much. 

When they first came to live with us it was very evident that they had some serious issues.  The oldest wet the bed, had nightmares, and trusted no one.  She was very angry and her anger resulted in tantrums, stealing, and lying.  The younger girl was very anxious, cried for long spells, had nightmares and had reverted back to using diapers.  We arranged for therapy for the girls and started reading everything we could about abuse and how to help them return to some sense of normalcy.  Slowly things started turning around and we forged a bond with the girls, they started be more successful in school, and they started making friends. 

After a year, we petitioned the court to get permanent custody.  By this time we had learned that both the mother and father abused the children and the girls were also witnesses to repeated domestic violence acts between their parents.  We were denied permanent custody because the parents were still involved in legal battles and they decided that they did not want to terminate their rights even though they told us they wanted us to raise the girls.  The parents then decided that they did not want the children to be with any family members and the children were taken from us and placed in a therapeutic foster home.  We had no rights regarding the children because we were not licensed foster parents but rather deemed as family custodial care. 

This situation has been very difficult to deal with.  We have not been allowed to talk with the girls or find out how they are doing or where they are living.  We are allowed to bring gifts for them to DSS and they take them to their foster home.  We have lost faith in the DSS system in NC and we do not understand why the children have to be the ones to suffer for their parents' mistakes.  We had been thinking of becoming foster parents but after this situation we have decided that we would not be able to handle the heartbreak of losing kids, especially when we don't agree with the choices that are made on their behalf. 

I wanted to know more about domestic violence in my state and the US and how it affects children.  I found the following statistics on:

www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children

15.5 million U.S. children live in families in which partner violence occurred at least

once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe

partner violence occurred.3

 

• The majority of U.S. nonfatal intimate partner victimizations of women (two-thirds)

occur at home.4 Children are residents of the households experiencing intimate

partner violence in 43 percent of incidents involving female victims.5

• In a single day in 2007, 13,485 children were living in a domestic violence shelter or

transitional housing facility. Another 5,526 sought services at a non-residential

program.6

• The UN Secretary-General’s Study on Violence Against Children conservatively

estimates that 275 million children worldwide are exposed to violence in the home.7

Domestic Violence Affects Children

• A Michigan study of low-income pre-schoolers finds that children who have been

exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as

bed-wetting or nightmares, and are at greater risk than their peers of having allergies,

asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu. 8

• Children of mothers who experience prenatal physical domestic violence are at an

increased risk of exhibiting aggressive, anxious, depressed or hyperactive behavior. 9

• Females who are exposed to their parents’ domestic violence as adolescents are

significantly more likely to become victims of dating violence than daughters of

nonviolent parents.10

• Children who experience childhood trauma, including witnessing incidents of

domestic violence, are at a greater risk of having serious adult health problems

including tobacco use, substance abuse, obesity, cancer, heart disease, depression and

a higher risk for unintended pregnancy.11

• Physical abuse during childhood increases the risk of future victimization among

women and the risk of future perpetration of abuse by men more than two-fold. 12

What Helps Children Exposed to Violence

The Facts on Children and Domestic Violence

• Psychotherapy designed for mothers and children together can increase the quality of

parenting and increase positive outcomes for children. 13

• Many abusive men are concerned about the effect of violence on their children and

the children of their partners. Some may be motivated to stop using violence if they

understand the devastating effects on their children. 14

• A safe, stable and nurturing relationship with a caring adult can help a child

overcome the stress associated with intimate partner violence. 15

Children Trafficked and Exploited

• The World Health Organization reports that 150 million girls experienced forced

sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual violence in 2002.16

• Each year, more than two million children are exploited in the global commercial sex

trade, many of them trapped in prostitution.17

• According to the International Labour Office, eight million children are trapped in the

worst forms of child labor, which include slavery, trafficking, debt bondage, forced

recruitment for use in armed conflict, prostitution, pornography and illicit activities.18

 Resources:

www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children

SIDS

Child Development & Public Health

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is the leading cause of infant deaths, ages 1 month - 1 year, in the US.  This hit home recently when a close friend of mine lost her child to SIDS at the tender age of 4 months.  

SIDS is maddening because there is no specific cause for SIDS.  There are, however, risk factors such as:  smoking, drinking, or using drugs during pregnancy, poor or no prenatal care, prematurity, low birth weight, babies born to teen mothers, second hand smoke, overheating, and babies who sleep on their stomachs.   Sadly, most of these risk factors are known due to facts reported after a child dies from SIDS.  My friend’s baby had none of these risk factors.  He was a normal weight and seemingly healthy.  He died in his sleep for no apparent reason.

In 1994 the Back-to-Sleep campaign was launched to encourage parents to put their children to sleep on their backs to help prevent SIDS.  Parents are also educated about the other risk factors.  In NC, where I operate my child care center, child care providers are required to have SIDS training every 3 years.  We are also required to write a safe-sleep policy, share it with the parents, and post a signed copy by each child’s (1 year and younger) sleeping area. We are also required to do visual checks on sleeping children every 15 minutes and record it on a check list.  As a child care provider, one of my biggest fears is losing a child to SIDS and I would require these measure in my center even if NC did not require them.  

I find it very disturbing that the US ranks 2nd in the world in SIDS deaths, with only New Zealand having more reported deaths attributed to SIDS.  Japan has one of the lowest SIDS rates.    I hope that researchers keep looking for the cause of SIDS and find a link to help us prevent death among these precious babies.  Death is always hard, but losing a baby seems to be the hardest death to accept, especially when there is not always a clear answer to why the baby died.

2 excellent websites for more information on SIDS are:

http://www.sidscenter.org/

http://www.kidshealth.org/

Have you been touched by SIDS?

Birthing Experience

My Experience

I was a teen mom with my first child.  I got pregnant during my senior year of high school.  I was so scared that I did not tell anyone until I was almost 3 months pregnant so I did not receive prenatal care until I was almost 4 months along.  Since I was a teen mom, in school, and unmarried, my experience was not optimal.  I went to a clinic for the pregnancy test and then went to a local doctor for the duration of my pregnancy.  I finished high school and then married the father during the pregnancy and it was comforting to have him by my side during the labor and delivery.

During my 6th month I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  This was very hard for me to control.  Since we were young and broke I didn't have the best diet and that constantly contributed to my high glucose readings.  I was finally able to control the diabetes with diet and medication.  My son was born, 3 weeks late, on December 4th, 1983.  He weighed 9 pounds and 13 ounces and was 21 inches long.  My labor lasted about 7 hours and the nurse actually delivered him because the doctor did not make it to the delivery room in time.  He was the loudest and biggest baby in the nursery.  Although I was very worried about becoming a mom, it was love at first sight.  He was, and still is, one of the biggest miracles to ever occur in my life. 

I talked with one of my co-workers about her birth experience and prenatal care.  She is from Mexico and has been in our country for 4 years.  Her first child was born in Mexico and her last 2 children were born in the US.  She told me that she did not receive any prenatal care for her son in Mexico because her family could not afford it.  Her mother and her cousin, who is a midwife, delivered her son at her mother's house.  She did take him to the doctor when he was 10 days old because he had a fever.  She said that the birth of her son was as sanitary as conditions would allow but not as sanitary as she would have liked.  She told me that she much preferred the births of her 2 daughters in the US and that she received regular prenatal care with both of them.  She worries about her sisters who are still in Mexico and hopes that they will be able to relocate to the US before they have their children.  She says that our medical system is much safer and cleaner.

Mexico is pushing for safer births by training midwifes to work in the more rural parts of Mexico.  Mexico is ranked 91st in the world in infant mortality.  Please see the link below. 

http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/2012/09/22/mexico-pushes-for-safer-births.html