The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I want to share a story of prejudice that still breaks my heart when I think of it.  When a young man that I know was 16 he started dating a young woman from his class.  I was not surprised when they started dating because they had been friends for several years.  During the second month that they were dating he came to talk to me and was very upset.  Her family had found out they were dating and were very upset.  They stated that they liked the young man but did not want their daughter to date him; he was white and she was black and they did not allow her to date outside of her race.  He was very upset and did not understand why they had always been fine with them being friends but were upset about the dating relationship.  He honored their wishes and stopped dating their daughter but he was very heartbroken.  The two went off to college and eventually found others to love.  He has often told me that he still regrets not continuing their relationship and that he has never loved anyone in quite the same way.

I believe that this particular instance of bias diminished equity because it told two young people that they could not be involved because they were not of the same race.  I did not matter that they were both good students, never got in any trouble, and had been friends for years.  I still do not understand why a parent would not want their child to date someone who they liked and knew was a good person, just because of the color of their skin.  I was very upset when this situation occurred and I was glad that the young man felt he could talk to me but I didn't really know how to help him.  He talked to her parents several times, but to no avail.

I think that in order for this incident to turn into an opportunity for greater equity, the young man and woman involved would need to stop the cycle of racism.  I think this could be accomplished by making sure that as they raise their own families that they encourage their children to accept people for who they are and to support their dating choices based on merit, not race.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!
Monette