My Supports

I have so many supports in my life.  The three most important would have to be my family, my friends, and my faith.  Without these supports I would be so very lost!

My family supports me through the good times and the bad.  My husband is such a hard worker and always puts our family's needs before his own.  He works long hours and then after a hard day at work he comes home to tend our little farm and livestock.  He always has a project going to make our life a little better.

My children, although grown, are a huge support system.  They all live near me and we spend a lot of time together.  Every Sunday night we have what we call "Sunday Supper".  All of their families come to my house and we share a meal.  We all pitch in with the food and the cleaning up afterwards.  I look forward to this meal all week and it really rejuvenates me for Monday's busy obligations.  We not only share food but love and fellowship.

My mom, sisters, and brother are a huge support for me too.  We talk most everyday and my sisters are partners with me in my childcare center.  My family, although far from perfect, is a wonderful reminder of what is right in this crazy world we live in.

My friends, both at work and outside of work, are always there for me.  Whether it's lending a helping hand, letting me cry on their shoulder, or offering some much needed advice, I can always count on them at the drop of a hat.  I would not like to know what it would be like to go through my life without their love and support.

My faith is what keeps me sane when all else fails.  I look to the Lord for guidance, salvation, and grace, even when I don't deserve it.  When the sky is falling down on me, I only need to read my Bible,  listen to a favorite hymn, or look at one of His wonderful creations, to regain my perspective.  Without my faith, all else would be for naught.

When thinking about a challenge, I immediately though of losing my hearing because I currently have some issues with mild hearing loss.  One of my biggest fears is losing all of my hearing someday.  I would not be able to hear my husband's voice, my grandchildren say they love me, favorite hymns, or my son's melodious guitar.  I can't imagine not being able to hear and miss out on the give and take of conversations.  I would need to depend on those around me to help me learn how to communicate without hearing and I am sure that would be very difficult.  I pray that I never have to find out how it feels to lose one's hearing.

"My Connections to Play"

"Children's games are hardly games. Children are never more serious than when they play."

MONTAIGNE, Essays

"Play is our brain's favorite way of learning."

Diane Ackerman
Contemporary American author

"If you want to be creative, stay in part a child, with the creativity and invention that characterizes children before they are deformed by adult society."

Jean Piaget
Swiss philosopher

"Children need the freedom and time to play.
Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity."

Kay Redfield Jamison, American Professor of psychiatry1896–1980

I love to play!  I have always loved to play and I hope that I never lose my desire to play!  Essential play items for me include:  sand and water, something to make music with, some type of swing, and a friend or two!  

As a young child I spent many long hours involved in play.  My favorite thing to do was to be outside, wondering around our backyard and woods and finding new things to use in my play.  My parents always encouraged me to play, especially outside.  My siblings and I would spend our summer days riding bikes, tromping through the woods, and making forts and houses out of anything that we could stack together.  As I grew older and had the responsibility of babysitting my youngest siblings, I still reverted to play to get me through the day.  When I had to feed them lunch, we pretended we were at a restaurant and they ordered their food.  When it was time for their nap, we pretended we were camping and sleeping under the stars.  Bath time included many adventures in our "boat on the high seas".  

Play has always been an escape for me.  I still find it very easy to sneak off and play although my play props now are much different than when I was a child.  My adult play also often includes a grandchild or two.  I try to show my grandchildren the importance of playing, imagining, and creating.  At my house we don't get lost in mindless television and computers or gaming systems are not our focus.  We paint, plant flowers, bake a cake, run around in the rain, race matchbox cars, read a book, or countless other activities that actively engage their growing minds.  

I want my grandchildren and other children in my life to know the joys of catching fireflies, sledding backwards down a hill, and riding a horse.  I want them to understand that true joy comes not from all of today's gizmos and gadgets, but from simple things shared with those that you love.

Relationship Reflection

I have a lot of different types of relationships in my life and they are all very important to me and make me the person that I am.

My family relationships are the most important to me.  I value these relationships above all others.  These are the people that know me, the real me, and love me anyway.

I have the longest term relationship with my mother and even though it has been rocky at times, it has taught me so much about life and unconditional love.  My mom lost her mom when she was 13 and she had me when she was 18.  She and I grew up together and have had to really work at sustaining our relationship.  I am glad that we stuck through the rough times and that we are at a time in our lives where we truly enjoy each other's company.

My sisters are brother are the people that have known me almost as long as my mother.  My relationships with them are as essential as the air that I breathe and I can't imagine my life without them.  They have been my playmates, my enemies, my partners in crime, and my best friends.  Almost every important memory of my life includes at least one or more of them.

My sons are 29 and 26 (twins) and my relationships with them are the ones that still give me pause for thankfulness and gratefulness each and every day of my life.  I have never loved anyone else the way that I love my children.  They have taught me how to have fun, how to be honest about my feelings (even when it hurts), patience, open-mindedness, and the importance of living each day fully.  The last 29 years have been full of ups and downs, tears and laughter, anger and happiness, seriousness and silliness.  They are 3 of the sweetest, smartest, coolest, young men that I know and I am glad that they finally have reached the age where our relationships can be more friend-like instead of parent/child like.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years.  We both had previous marriages and our relationship is one of pure joy.  We appreciate each other and understand how fragile a marriage can be.  I wish I had met him much earlier in life but then again, we would be different people and it may have worked out differently.  He understands me and appreciates me and loves me for me and that is not always easy to find in this world.  I can't wait to see what the next 10 years hold for us!

I believe that I am a happier and more positive person due to the relationships in my life.  When I have a bad day or situation, there is always someone that I can talk to who cares about me and helps me get through the moment.  Having positive relationships helps my stress level which in turn helps me be a better teacher, worker, boss, etc.  I believe that my life experiences and relationships help me value children and their families and the relationships that they have.  It is impossible to not be in some type of relationship with others, be it good or bad.  I am very thankful that most of my relationships are long-term and positive.

A few of my favorite quotes!

If children are not taken care of, whatever else we do won't matter much.
                                                                              - Hillary Rodham Clinton

Many things we need can wait, the child cannot........
To them we cannot say tomorrow, their name is today.
                                                                             -Gabriella Marella

When we give unconditional love to children, we give the most valuable gift we have.
                                                                              - Katherine M. Olson

Childhood is terribly perishable.  It is always under siege.
                                                                             - Jim Greenman

Correct link

I am sorry!  The correct link for the site describing Finland's education system is:

http://www.businessinsider.com/finland-education-school-2011-12?op=1

Testing for intelligence?

I do not believe that we should test children for intelligence.  I think that rather than measuring one part of their development we should take a whole child approach in order to track their developmental needs and progress in all domains.  As an early childhood educator and childcare center administrator I have made the choice to take the portfolio approach with the children that we serve.

At my center we do the DIAL-4 assessment with children as they turn 3 years old.  We use this assessment ONLY as a screening tool to determine if further assessment is needed due to developmental concerns.  This tool is not meant to be a pre/post assessment as some early childhood educators are wrongly advocating.  It is merely a snapshot in time to help determine if the child needs further evaluation.

Our portfolio collection contains many items.  We take regular anecdotal records on each child and plan our learning activities based on their interests and developmental levels.  We also include works sample of their writing, art, and other creative activities.  We take photos of them as then interact socially with their peers and as they work on projects in centers or within small groups.  We also collect answers from a small interest survey with them 3 times during the year and make tape recordings of their language activities and interactions with other.  It is delightful to watch the progress that each child makes during the year and have the ability to share the information with their parents.  Assessing a child in this manner allows us to create a classroom full of meaningful learning and fun for every child.

I chose to research Finland's approach to assessment because I have a friend who recently moved to Finland as part of a 5-year teaching program.  I am most impressed with their approach to assessment and to education in general.  Please check out the link below.  You will not be disappointed!

http://www.businessinsider.com/finland-education-school-2-11-12?op=1#ixzz2E7RcfvyM

Domestic Violence and Children

I have known several people in my life that have suffered from things such as poverty and violence.  Domestic violence is of particular interest to me because of it's affects on some of my own family members and friends.  The story that I am about to tell you almost broke my heart beyond repair but I am learning to deal with it on a daily basis. 

About 6 months ago my husband and I had to give up 2 little girls that we had been fostering for almost a year.  The girls were sisters and were placed with us when they were 5 and 10.  They were taken from their mother (my distant cousin) and father due to allegations of sexual abuse against the father.  Their mother was ordered to keep the father out of their home and after she violated the order the children were removed from her custody.  No one else in the family could take the girls and my husband and I took them to try and keep them out of the foster care system.  We were told by DSS, the mother, and the lawyers involved in the case that it was a temporary situation and they would only be with us for a couple of months.  Temporary turned in to long term and we had the girls for almost a year.  They became a part of our family and we loved them very much. 

When they first came to live with us it was very evident that they had some serious issues.  The oldest wet the bed, had nightmares, and trusted no one.  She was very angry and her anger resulted in tantrums, stealing, and lying.  The younger girl was very anxious, cried for long spells, had nightmares and had reverted back to using diapers.  We arranged for therapy for the girls and started reading everything we could about abuse and how to help them return to some sense of normalcy.  Slowly things started turning around and we forged a bond with the girls, they started be more successful in school, and they started making friends. 

After a year, we petitioned the court to get permanent custody.  By this time we had learned that both the mother and father abused the children and the girls were also witnesses to repeated domestic violence acts between their parents.  We were denied permanent custody because the parents were still involved in legal battles and they decided that they did not want to terminate their rights even though they told us they wanted us to raise the girls.  The parents then decided that they did not want the children to be with any family members and the children were taken from us and placed in a therapeutic foster home.  We had no rights regarding the children because we were not licensed foster parents but rather deemed as family custodial care. 

This situation has been very difficult to deal with.  We have not been allowed to talk with the girls or find out how they are doing or where they are living.  We are allowed to bring gifts for them to DSS and they take them to their foster home.  We have lost faith in the DSS system in NC and we do not understand why the children have to be the ones to suffer for their parents' mistakes.  We had been thinking of becoming foster parents but after this situation we have decided that we would not be able to handle the heartbreak of losing kids, especially when we don't agree with the choices that are made on their behalf. 

I wanted to know more about domestic violence in my state and the US and how it affects children.  I found the following statistics on:

www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children

15.5 million U.S. children live in families in which partner violence occurred at least

once in the past year, and seven million children live in families in which severe

partner violence occurred.3

 

• The majority of U.S. nonfatal intimate partner victimizations of women (two-thirds)

occur at home.4 Children are residents of the households experiencing intimate

partner violence in 43 percent of incidents involving female victims.5

• In a single day in 2007, 13,485 children were living in a domestic violence shelter or

transitional housing facility. Another 5,526 sought services at a non-residential

program.6

• The UN Secretary-General’s Study on Violence Against Children conservatively

estimates that 275 million children worldwide are exposed to violence in the home.7

Domestic Violence Affects Children

• A Michigan study of low-income pre-schoolers finds that children who have been

exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as

bed-wetting or nightmares, and are at greater risk than their peers of having allergies,

asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu. 8

• Children of mothers who experience prenatal physical domestic violence are at an

increased risk of exhibiting aggressive, anxious, depressed or hyperactive behavior. 9

• Females who are exposed to their parents’ domestic violence as adolescents are

significantly more likely to become victims of dating violence than daughters of

nonviolent parents.10

• Children who experience childhood trauma, including witnessing incidents of

domestic violence, are at a greater risk of having serious adult health problems

including tobacco use, substance abuse, obesity, cancer, heart disease, depression and

a higher risk for unintended pregnancy.11

• Physical abuse during childhood increases the risk of future victimization among

women and the risk of future perpetration of abuse by men more than two-fold. 12

What Helps Children Exposed to Violence

The Facts on Children and Domestic Violence

• Psychotherapy designed for mothers and children together can increase the quality of

parenting and increase positive outcomes for children. 13

• Many abusive men are concerned about the effect of violence on their children and

the children of their partners. Some may be motivated to stop using violence if they

understand the devastating effects on their children. 14

• A safe, stable and nurturing relationship with a caring adult can help a child

overcome the stress associated with intimate partner violence. 15

Children Trafficked and Exploited

• The World Health Organization reports that 150 million girls experienced forced

sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual violence in 2002.16

• Each year, more than two million children are exploited in the global commercial sex

trade, many of them trapped in prostitution.17

• According to the International Labour Office, eight million children are trapped in the

worst forms of child labor, which include slavery, trafficking, debt bondage, forced

recruitment for use in armed conflict, prostitution, pornography and illicit activities.18

 Resources:

www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children