Farewell and Good Luck

I have enjoyed sharing this class with all of you!  I have learned so much about myself and how important communication is to beginning and sustaining lasting relationships.  I wish the best of luck to all of you and hope that I get to share more classes with you on this last leg of my journey.

Thanks for reading!
Monette

"Never Can Say Goodbye"

Saying good bye, or "adjourning" has always been particularly hard for me.  I think my struggles with leaving others or having others leave me are grounded in my particular childhood experiences.  Other than having to say a worldly goodbye to those who have died, and farewell to a marriage of 18 years, the hardest goodbye I have ever said was to my friends and co-workers in Head Start

I worked with Head Start for a little over 13 years.  I worked with basically the same group of managers for the entire time and leaving that group was bittersweet.  I wanted and needed to move on but leaving the familiarity of working together and our routines was very difficult.  I think that because we worked together so closely, were all very passionate about the program, endured several years of tough decisions and programmatic changes, and shared the experience of 2 of our team members dying,   leaving was extra hard.  I raised my kids with this group of women and men, sought their advice as a young married woman, learned how to be a professional, and learned how the real world of a non-profit works.  I don't think that I would be the woman I am today if not for this group of people and our shared experiences.  When I left we had a huge party and we all promised to keep in touch.  Sadly, life got very busy, I moved on, and we only see each other occasionally.  Although they are not in my daily life, they will forever hold a special place in my heart.  

Thanks for reading!

Monette

Conflict, conflict, conflict!

Conflict is something that I struggle with on a daily basis.  It seems as if I am always having some type of situation arise.  It is tough being a busy wife and grandmother as well as operating my center, teaching part-time, and helping with our homeschool co-op.  Between all of these roles is it any wonder that I experience some conflict?  Thankfully, conflict in my personal life really is minimal.  I may deal with minor issues but that part of my life is comfortingly boring.  My professional life, however, is a horse of a different color!

The most recent conflict that I experienced was with a parent at our center.  She has a little boy who is in our toddler room.  She left a note on my message board that she needed to speak with me when she picked up her son that afternoon.  I hadn't planned on being in the office at that particular time, but I rearranged my schedule to be available for her.  Upon arrival in my office she told me that she was very upset with our menu.  She was mad that we had offered her child black beans and hummus.  She proceeded to tell me that we should not be feeding him foods that clearly were not meant for children but were more suited to adult's likes.  I explained to her that we had recently received a grant to improve the quality and nutritional value of our meals and that black beans and hummus were 2 of our new foods that we were introducing.  I asked her if she had received the last 3 parent newsletters which detailed the grant and also had copies of upcoming menus and a list and timetable of when we would be introducing the new foods.  She stated that she had read the newsletters but she didn't think we would keep giving the children these crazy foods.  I asked her if her son had liked the foods and she stated that the teachers said he ate them but she didn't believe it and she didn't know if he liked them or not but that she didn't think we should feed this to him.   I VERY patiently, although I did not feel very patient, explained, again, how we were trying to make our menus healthier and working towards completely eliminating any processed foods.  Then I asked her if she minded if we looked at the video camera to see if her son ate the food.  She agreed and upon review of the camera, we discovered that not only did he eat both items but he also requested a second helping of the beans.  She could not believe that he was eating the food.  I gently told her that sometimes children eat different things at the center because they see their friends and teachers trying the foods and they want to try them too.  She never agreed that the foods were appropriate but she did finally say that maybe he just liked weird food.

I used several strategies during this conflict and I believed they helped me resolve the conflict with dignity and respect.  One of the strategies that I used was the 3 R's.  I treated the parent with respect, and responded to her in a timely manner by clearing my schedule to meet her needs.  Another strategy that I used was nonviolent communication.  Even when she was raising her voice at me and becoming very agitated I just kept calmly and patiently explaining the situation and trying to understand her concerns.  I think that one of the most important strategies that I used was the cooperative strategy.  By asking her questions, explaining our goals for the center, and offering different ways of looking at the situation, we were able to adequately resolve the conflict.  

How would you have handled the situation?

Thanks for reading!

You thought I said what?!?!

I found this week's assignment a lot of fun and very interesting. The two people that I picked to evaluate my communication styles were my husband and a co-worker.  It was very interesting to see how differently my husband evaluated me as compared to my co-worker.  It was also really unsettling to see that on some things they both evaluated me the same way but I had a completely different perspective.

One of the most perplexing conclusions from this exercise is that I rated myself as "moderate" on the verbal aggressiveness scale, my husband rated me as "significant", and my co-worker rated me as "low".  I am sure that I am much more verbal at home with my husband and our relationship is such that we don't hold back, but tell it like it is, even if it's hard to hear.  I am also sure that at work I try MUCH harder to hold back my thoughts and be more tactful and professional.  I am glad that my co-worker views me as not very verbally aggressive and I believe that this perception helps me to be a leader and motivator with my staff.  I think it also enables me to better communicate with the parents and with other early childhood professionals.

I am sad, however, that my husband views me as significantly verbally aggressive.  I think I have some work to do on the home front.....

With regards to the communication anxiety inventory, the overall score for me was in the same range on my evaluation and those of my husband and co-worker.  I rated myself as 39, my husband rated me at 40, and my co-worker rated me at 35.  All of these fell in the "mild" range and I agree that I feel confident about communicating with others most of the time.  I believe that one of the reasons I have been so successful in my personal and professional life is because I enjoy communicating with others.

The listening styles profile score was intriguing to me.  I rated myself as people-oriented, as did my husband, but my co-worker rated me as action-oriented.  I wonder if the fact that I am the "boss", thus always delegating, deciding, and decoding, plays a large part in my co-worker's perception of me.  I admit that I at work I do sometimes get caught up in the "red-tape" of it all and lose site of the "people" side of my job.  I think that is the price I sometimes pay to keep the doors to my center open.

Ultimately, I have learned that I adapt my communication based on who I am around.  It is easy to understand that the way that my husband and co-worker views me is going to be different because I play very different roles in their lives.  All in all, this was a very insightful and enjoyable assignment.

Thanks for reading!

How Do I Communicate?

For your blog this week, complete the following activity:
Think about the cultural diversity you see in your colleagues at school, in your neighborhood, in your workplace, and also, possibly, within your family. Consider all the aspects that make up culture, including race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, varying abilities, and so on.

• Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?
• If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

Based on what you have learned this week, share at least three strategies you could use to help you communicate more effectively with the people or groups you have identified.

I communicate with a lot of different people in my life because I have a lot of identities.  Some of my roles are:  wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, Sunday school teacher, business owner, teacher, student, and friend.  I believe that I communicate differently with people based on the group that I am around.  I talk to my sisters in a completely different way than I talk to my children.  The way that I communicate with my grandchildren is not at all the way I communicate with the parents at my center.   I know that when I am on the phone with a friend and get a call from a colleague, my voice changes, the words I use are different, and even my body language changes.

I think that part of effective communication is knowing who your audience is and finding ways to easily relate to them in order to communicate. 

I hope to use some of the following strategies to help me become a more effective communicator:

1)  Be very aware of the culture of others so that I don't say or do anything that is offensive to their beliefs and values.

2) Use the Platinum Rule when communicating with everyone.

3) Be aware of my body language and nonverbal communication and make sure that it matches my verbal communication.

Thanks for reading!

What Did They Say?????

I really enjoyed this week's blog assignment.  I had to pick a television show that I do not normally watch and watch it 2 times; once with the sound off and again with the sound on.  I decided to watch a sitcom on youtube.com called, "Still Standing".  The little girl didn't do much but run through a few scenes so I was not real sure what was going on with her.  

When I watched with the sound off I could tell that the show was about a family that included mom, dad, brother, sister, and little sister.  I could tell there was some conflict between the mother and older daughter due to the finger wagging, frowns of both characters, and the disgusted look that the daughter gave her mother as she hurriedly left the kitchen.  

I also saw some affection and laughter between the dad and the son as they were in the son's bedroom talking about some problem and the dad patted the son on the back, gave him high fives, and they were both smiling as the dad left the room.  Later on, it showed mom and dad arguing in their room and then dad going to sleep downstairs.

During the last scene of the show, it the mom came running in the front door as dad descended the stairs in a bath robe so as they were laughing and flirting I assumed that they were showing marital affection.  During the flirting mom answered the phone, frowned, and then she ran out of the house and dad ran up the stairs.  In the next scene it showed the son, apparently in the principal's office and mom and dad arguing with him and the principal.  Then the son left the office, mom and dad kissed in the hallway and the show was over.  I assumed that the son got in trouble and that the mom and dad helped him.

When I turned the sound on, I was pretty accurate with most of my assumptions.  The oldest daughter and mom were arguing because she wanted to get a belly ring.  The little daughter showed up with cute sayings a couple of times and was obviously in the show for the "cute" factor.  The mom and dad did have a fight that ended up with him sleeping on the couch and the phone call that mom received, right in the middle of their make-up session, was from the school who had caught the son smoking.  Seems that Dad, when I thought he was helping son with problems, was telling son that the way to get the attention of the girl that he liked was to be a "bad" boy.  Dad apologized to Mom and Son, fussed at the principal when she called Dad a bad father, and then finally had their make-up kiss in the school hallway.

I did a pretty good job with my assumptions, but I think I would have been able to figure out much more if I had been familiar with the characters.  I was trying so hard to figure out who the people were and their relationships that I probably missed a lot of nonverbal communication cues.  All in all, I had a great time with this little experiment!  

I definitely believe that one must pay attention to both the verbal and nonverbal forms of communication in order to be the most effective communicator.

Thanks for reading!

Monette

Communication Is Key!

My Daddy was one of the best communicators that I have ever known.  I think the thing that made him so good at communicating was that he was an excellent listener.  I always knew that I could go to him with any problem and that he would patiently listen, let me tell my whole story, and then give me words of wisdom.  One of my favorite things that he would do was hear me out and then almost always reply, "Well, what do you think about all of this?"  It was like he knew that I just needed someone to listen to me and validate my feelings.  He would ask me a lot of questions that really made me think and that helped me communicate easier.  Another thing that made him such a good communicator was that he usually was very to the point when he had something to say.  He was not much for small talk and when he did talk I knew that I should listen because he had something important to tell me.  I would love to be more like him and learn how to be a much better listener and to be a little less talkative.

Thanks!
Monette